Communication with your man can be hard, here’s how to make it easier.

Communication is key to any healthy and happy relationship.  

In fact, research has shown that couples who communicate more effectively have much higher ratings of their own relationships.

But as a man, it can be hard for us to start communicating our feelings and emotions.  

A lot of times as a man, it’s just easier for us to stay quiet and pretend to be a good listener, but in reality, we are often mentally checking out waiting our turn to go do whatever we wanted instead of talking about our feelings. 

This can quickly turn into a sort of apathy cycle where he shuts down instead of working through issues which eventually leads to resentment. 

So ladies, how do you get your man to open up and start communicating before your relationship gets to the resentment stage and what if you’re already there? 

So I put together 13 techniques you can use to build up a foundation of healthy communication in your relationship starting today.

These are things that I have found to work in the real world within my own relationship and those other couples I know and help. 

Check out my video below for even more personal things you can do to open him up today.

1. Ask him open ended questions to guide the conversation 

When he first gets home from work, what’s the first thing you instinctively think to ask him? 

How was your day? Right?  

And that’s great because you having that want to know how his day has been, is a symptom of your caring for him. 

But how often do you hear, it was ok/good/sucked.  

And then he disappears. 

In these circumstances you can use open ended questions to keep him going deeper into your conversation.

Instead try asking something like, what was the best part of your day? 

Then he has to think about and describe something that happened. 

Which lets you know how his day was, but what’s more is it gets him opening up about specific things that happened to him throughout his day. 

Then ask for more details. Ask deeper questions or move to other things to guide him along. 

This is like an ice breaking exercise building up a safe space in his mind to talk to you. 

In relationships we need to learn to not get into ruts where communication breaks down. 

Related: 15 feminine qualities that make a woman wife material

2. Practice listening to him actively 

For men it can often feel like we save up our energy for talking to talk about those things that are really important to us. 

When he does open up, one of the most important things you can do is make sure he knows you’re paying attention. 

And the easiest way to do that is by using active listening.

Active listening is a way of engaging the person you’re talking to by listening to what they’ve said, and then restating it back to them or asking a question using the wording they used.

Like “I see how x could’ve made you feel like that,” or “When you said x happened, what did you do?”

It’s a simple little thing that conveys a huge amount to the person we are talking too.

Not only will this reinforce him talking more, but when we feel ignored, men feel disrespected. 

But when you engage with us, when you make eye contact and smile or nod and ask us to go deeper, it fills us up. This also helps to show you are empathizing in your relationship and that builds more open communication and a greater sense of security.

It’s like communication fuel to us. 

It’s because when you actively try to listen and engage with him it shows that you value what he is saying regardless of what he’s talking about. 

Related: 13 must do’s for a woman to attract a high-value man

3. Try to validate his feelings 

A lot of times men don’t want to share our emotions or feelings because we are afraid, we will be seen as weak or vulnerable. 

You can make him feel respected, loved and more comfortable and help him open up by validating his feelings and trying to show genuine empathy. 

This is especially important if you’re in a disagreement because it’s so easy to forget about the other person’s perspective and start seeing their points as personal attacks. 

So simple phrases and things like, I understand how you feel, or that must be really hard, or I understand I helped contribute to this. 

Are things that will show him that you are trying to empathize with him and that one change can get his defenses coming down. 

Related: 13 ways a woman can attract a high-value man

4. Share your feelings with him often 

Did you know studies have found that self-disclosure, talking to our partners about how we feel, builds intimacy and strengthens our relationship bonds?

As your man he wants to know how you are feeling and how things are going in your own personal world. 

So this is a great way to foster communication with him. 

Use the good things going through your mind as ways to open conversations with him. 

You can also try talking to him about things he does that makes you happy or feel loved and secure. 

When you’re sharing your feelings with him it opens the door to him sharing back with you. 

It shows him that you are safe enough to discuss your own thoughts in a healthy way and can handle his as well. 

When you really start opening up and being vulnerable with him it shows him that you think enough of him and your relationship to trust him with confidence, and also that he can give that same trust to you. 

5. Use humor to break the mood with him 

Humor is one of those things that can break the ice between people and in relationships, get him talking. 

You can try using jokes, playful teasing or banter to try and lighten the mood and once you get him smiling, the tension instantly eases. 

And that makes it easier for both of you to open up again. 

I think physically playing or doing something funny like putting a finger full of food on his face and licking it off can be the best route. 

Playful banter is easy going, and hard to get offended by whereas sarcasm can be taken the wrong way and make the situation even colder. 

But the point is to show him that you’re not taking the situation too seriously and letting it ruin your day or mindset. 

6. Use your femininity to create a safe space for him 

Sometimes men need a safe space where they can talk without distractions or pressure, and you can create it. 

There’s something about being close to a woman that calms us, so when you want to talk, get close to him. 

Touch him and let him know you’re coming from a place of love. 

Then make some rules and boundaries for the talk like no phones, TV, yelling, blaming. 

And make it clear that those are rules for you to follow not him. 

That instantly takes down his defenses because he can clearly see that what you are asking him is important and even more, you’re giving him your undivided attention and respect. 

And then try to follow the rules. When he is saying something stupid or getting something totally wrong, don’t correct him or roll your eyes. 

Instead, just listen and try to see why he is thinking that. 

This shows him that you’re serious about listening to him and that you respect his boundaries as well. 

7. Men can be slow with emotions, try to be patient 

It’s annoying when someone just doesn’t seem to get something that we see as obvious. 

And that’s how it’s going to be with a lot of emotional differences in your relationship. 

But try to remember that men and women process things differently and that while you may be ready to move onto the next issue, he may still be working out what you’ve been discussing. 

Patience is also a way of showing your caring and nurturing side which is a huge attraction factor for men and men want to open up to women they’re attracted to in the moment. 

Just remember that when he’s talking, quality matter over quantity. 

Guys tend to try to say a lot without saying much at all. 

But you can use things from above like active listening to engage him to go further. 

8. Praise the effort he does make 

When he does share things with you, try to acknowledge and praise his efforts. 

I don’t mean this in the sort of childish sense of being a good boy working on his feelings. 

But more of building a mutual understanding that you appreciate his experience and him sharing it with you. 

Simple things like telling him, thank you for telling me how you feel, or, I appreciate you letting me know what you were thinking. 

These not only help reinforce that you want to know what he’s going through but respect his opinion and experience as well. 

And if you’re working through some hard times, letting him know that you notice his efforts and appreciate what he is doing will go a long way in bridging the gaps between you 2. 

9. Ask for his opinion without asking for a decision  

One easy way to get him to open up again is to ask his opinion on various topics. 

Now I’m not saying to ask him to make a decision like, where do you think we should go for dinner. 

I’m talking about simple things like what are his thoughts about current events, your relationship, simple things like movies and social media, or even just pull up a video of a politician he loves or hates. 

The point is to find something he can share his opinions on with it either not really mattering to your lives in the real sense, or building up your relationship more. 

Other ways would be asking his opinion on outfits, as in sexy outfits. 

It’s a way to spice things up while making a fun place to open up that communication. 

Men are visual, we thrive off seeing our women be sexy with us and asking him to come into the room to tell you if an outfit is ok is a sure way to get his senses going. 

It’s kind of like the female equivalent of him coming up behind you, wrapping you up so you feel small yet protected and whispering I love you in the back of your ear. 

10. Use the sandwich technique to express your wants 

Yes, this is taken from the old HR technique of giving someone a compliment before hammering them with everything they’ve done bad at work and then giving them another compliment before sending them off with no raise. 

But in relationships you can use the sandwich technique as a way to explain the reasoning behind why you want some behavior or action from him, and it’s been shown to be very effective. 

If you want him to stop acting like a jackass and have a serious talk about something, try something like: 

Honey, I love when you make me laugh, your sense of humor is one of the things I fell in love with.  

But I really wish you would be more serious and talk with me about this. I love you and want to be here for you. 

It’s a way of sandwiching what you want between what he wants to hear from you. 

11. Start with, I think, I feel, I need, I want 

Multiple studies across the years have shown the benefit of ‘I language’ in relationship communication for a variety of reasons.

Whenever you’re talking to another person, what you say typically means a lot less than how you say it. 

In a relationship when you need something from your man it’s easy to just tell him, you need to do this. 

Or, you never listen to me, or whatever the issue is. 

But if you can word it in a way that is expressing what the actual desire is that you want, he will take it more like a goal to accomplish than a personal attack. 

So what does this mean? 

Start whatever you want to talk about with one of these 4 phrases: 

I think, I feel, I need, I want. 

I need to feel like I am being heard and when you shut down and sit there quietly it feels like you’re ignoring me. 

I want to feel closer to you and be more intimate but I need to feel and know what’s in your heart, what you’re going through to do that. 

The way you say something means more than what you’re actually saying. 

Related: 11 reasons why women need to stay away from nice guys

12. Use your body language to open him up 

Most human communication is non-verbal. 

We pick up on how someone is behaving while they are talking and that conveys just as much as the words they use. 

And as a woman you can use your body to its full advantage when having a hard talk with your man. 

Men are immediately calmed by the touch of their woman. A simple holding of his hand while you’re talking can completely change how he sees the interaction. 

Head leans, affectionate looks and hugs can help to bring down his defenses while you’re talking so when it’s his turn he is a little more ready. 

It can also remind him of the intimacy between you and that gives him a carnal reason to start going with the conversation. 

13. Never be afraid to seek professional help 

Most relationship articles wouldn’t be complete without saying this.  

But it’s true. 

Relationships take work and skills that we aren’t taught in school and most of us aren’t taught by our parents. 

It’s the kind of skills that we fumble through, hoping to build up enough of to make our love work good enough. 

But therapists, counselors, these kinds of people have put years into learning what psychology has taken over a century to accumulate as real relationship methods and techniques. 

They can look at your situation and start giving objective advice or pushing against those hard spots that need to be broken through. 

And there’s no need to feel ashamed or afraid of going, with the variety of therapies used by professionals today you can find real help to bring your relationship closer than it’s been in a long time.

Communication can be hard, but it doesn’t have to be 

Communication is essential for any relationship, but it doesn’t have to be hard or complicated.  

Taking a moment to slow down and go through what you’re really trying to accomplish in the talk can change the way your words are taken by him. 

And by opening him up, you are building the foundations for an even deeper and stronger relationship.