Open marriages are becoming more common, but they can still be a bit confusing and rarely last. In fact, as I’ll talk about later, once a marriage is opened it averages a 92% chance of divorce.

So, what exactly is an open marriage?

Let’s break it down in a way that’s easy to understand. 

Understanding Open Marriages 

An open marriage is a type of relationship where both partners agree that they can have romantic or sexual relationships with other people.

This agreement is made with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It’s different from cheating because everyone knows about and agrees to the arrangement. Think of it as ethical non-monogamy. 

Types of Open Marriages 

Open marriages can vary depending on the people involved. Here are a few common types: 

• Casual Dating: Partners can date other people casually without forming deep emotional connections. 
• Swinging: Partners engage in sexual activities with others, often at parties or events, but keep their emotional bond with each other. On a side note, my wife and I were propositioned by a couple to swing one time and even though we quickly rejected the idea, it made dealing with them in the future very uncomfortable. We had kids that were the same age and didn’t exactly attend many events of theirs after that.
• Open Marriage: Married couples agree to have sexual relationships outside their marriage while maintaining their primary commitment to each other. 

Each relationship can have its own rules and boundaries, which are important to keep things clear and respectful. 

The Good Points According To Those In Open Marriages

• 1. More Freedom: One of the biggest benefits of an open marriage is the freedom to explore connections with other people. This can lead to new experiences and personal growth. 
• 2. Variety: Being in an open marriage can offer a variety of experiences and connections. Each partner can bring something different to the table, which can make life more interesting and fulfilling. 
• 3. Reduced Pressure: Open marriages can reduce the pressure to meet all of your partner’s needs. With multiple connections, there’s less expectation for one person to be everything for their partner. 

The Bad Points From Folks Who’ve Lived Them

1. Jealousy: Jealousy can be a big challenge in open marriages. Even though everyone agrees to the arrangement, feelings of jealousy can still come up. It’s important to communicate openly and work through these feelings together⁴. 

2. Time Management: Managing time between multiple partners can be tricky. It requires good organization and planning to make sure everyone feels valued and important. 

3. Social Stigma: Unfortunately, open marriages can still face social stigma. Not everyone understands or accepts this type of relationship, which can lead to judgment or criticism⁵. 

Why Open Marriages Don’t Work 

While open marriages can work for some, they often face significant challenges that can lead to their downfall: 

Communication Issues: With more people involved, there’s a greater need for clear and honest communication. Misunderstandings can easily happen, leading to conflicts and hurt feelings. 

Jealousy and Insecurity: Seeing your partner with someone else can trigger feelings of insecurity and jealousy. While some people can manage these feelings, others find them overwhelming. Not to mention the fact that very often the non-married lovers fall for each other and leave the marriage partner.

Emotional Complexity: Open marriages involve multiple emotional connections, which can be complex to navigate. Each relationship has its own dynamics, and managing these can be challenging. 

Odds of Breakup & Divorce

The odds of breakup in open marriages can be higher due to the complexity and challenges involved. Studies have shown that open marriages have a high failure rate, with some research indicating that 92% of open marriages end in divorce.

The most common reasons for breakups include: 

Miscommunication: Misunderstandings and lack of clear communication can lead to unresolved issues. 

Jealousy: Inability to manage jealousy and insecurity can cause significant strain. 

Falling out of love: When you are intimate with someone you are building intense emotional bonds and that often leads to the husband or wife leaving to be with their lover.

Monkey branching: This is a term used primarily to describe the very common rates of married women in open relationships finding a lover who is of a better status than her husband and leaving said husband to form a relationship with the other man.

Neglect: Feeling neglected or less important can lead to resentment and eventual breakup. 

Open Marriages fail 9 times out of 10 for a reason…

Open marriages can be rewarding and fulfilling for those who choose them. They offer more freedom, variety, and opportunities for personal growth.

However, they also come with challenges like jealousy, time management, and social stigma. Understanding these pros and cons can help you decide if an open marriage is right for you. 

David N. Brace

David N. Brace is a relationship expert that lives what he preaches having built a 20-year happy marriage. Relationships take work and effort but if we are willing to do so and to keep growing as individuals, we can build something amazing that lasts a lifetime.

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