How to Create a More Intimate Marriage: 5 Habits of Highly Intimate Couples 

Intimacy is a vital component of a healthy and satisfying marriage.

It’s the closeness, connection, and affection that couples share on emotional, physical, and spiritual levels.

Intimacy can bring numerous benefits to marriage including enhancing the quality of the relationship, an increase in the sense of security and trust, and foster resilience and happiness. 

But it isn’t something that happens automatically or stays constant over time.

It requires intentional effort, attention, and communication from both partners to be able to keep the romance alive and overcome any barriers to intimacy life throws in your way.

Many couples struggle with maintaining or increasing intimacy in their marriage due to various factors, such as stress, conflict, boredom, or lack of skills. 

Fortunately, intimacy can be improved and cultivated with some simple but effective habits that highly intimate couples practice regularly.

In this article, we will explore five of these habits and how you can apply them to your own marriage. 

Habit 1: Express Appreciation and Gratitude 

One of the easiest and most powerful ways to increase intimacy in your marriage and to resolve conflict is to express appreciation and gratitude for your partner and the relationship.

Think of a time when your partner was showing you their appreciation for something you did. It made you feel great right?

It made you feel closer to them and truly loved because when we show our appreciation it is acknowledging and reenforcing our love, respect and trust to our partner.

Research has shown that gratitude can enhance marital satisfaction, commitment, trust, and intimacy. I know when my wife comes up and tells me she is proud of something I do for the family or our relationship, regardless of how small it is, that is like marriage race fuel being poured into my heart.

And I know when I show her appreciation for everything she does around the home, and for our family it fills her up the same way.

But there’s even more, gratitude can also buffer against negative emotions, such as resentment, anger, or disappointment. 

To practice showing gratitude in your marriage, you can: 

Gratitude

Say “thank you” often and sincerely for the big and small things your partner does for you or the relationship. It’s the small day to day thank you’s that really build up the gratitude in a relationship. Telling your partner how you appreciate the things they do to contribute to your marriage. Researchers at Brigham Young University found that gratitude was essential in building healthy marriage ties and bonds.

Compliments

Compliment your partner on their appearance, personality, skills, or achievements. You fell for them because they obviously hit on the attraction points you were looking for, so let them know you still feel that way. We’re all going to age but men, your lady needs to know you are still attracted to her beauty. Ladies, your man needs to hear that you still look up to the man he is. So tell them and let that help boost your marriage along.

Write them something

Write a love note or a text message expressing your appreciation and affection. Written things mean more than said words because they are tangible. Our partner can hold them and feel that you took time to think and act for them. This my go-to Valentines or Mother’s Day thing when I have no clue what else to do. A page of words talking about your past or future and how you feel means more than any piece of jewelry or a new gadget.

Give a gift

Give your partner a small gift or a gesture of kindness that shows you care. Again it’s not about the big elaborate displays or gifts on special days. I want you to go out and just pick up something small that you know they will like on a totally random day. Because that shows that you thought of them enough to go get something just to see them happy. It can be something as small as whatever favorite candy or snack they like. The point is that a random gift says I was thinking about you, and it brought me joy and so I wanted to bring some joy to you.

Celebrate their successes

Acknowledge and celebrate your partner’s successes and milestones. Our support is the greatest thing we can give to our partner to continuously be building up our marriage. And the easiest way to do that is simply celebrate what they’ve already succeeded at. A simply “Honey I love that you do x around the house.,” or “Baby I love how hard you work for us.” celebrating and appreciating each other is like refueling our partner’s heart.

Related: How to support your spouse’s goals with 7 science backed methods.

Habit 2: Communicate Openly and Honestly 

Communication is the key to intimacy in any relationship.

When you have respectful and effective communication in a marriage it allows you to share your thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires with your partner and to understand theirs.

Communication also helps you to resolve conflicts, negotiate differences, and make decisions together. 

In fact, a major study showed that communication skills were a major factor in marital satisfaction.

But to truly have a marriage where the communication is open and flows naturally, it has to be practiced.

To practice more intimate communication, you can: 

Set aside time

Set aside some time every to talk with your partner about anything that is on your mind or in your heart. It doesn’t have to be an every day thing either. My wife and I started having a dedicated monthly talk early in our marriage, where anything that we wanted to discuss could be in a totally safe place and after that talk, that’s where it stayed. And that grows into having more open communication to where there is no longer any need for a dedicated talk because you are both letting out your feelings and expressing your needs in healthy ways.

Listen and engage

Listen actively and empathically to your partner without interrupting, judging, or criticizing them. When your partner is communicating with you, it’s vital that you not only listen to what they are saying but engage them so they know you are listening. Research has shown that when we engage and respond to our partner’s love language, it boosts satisfaction because it lets the other person know they are important to us and that we care about what they have to say.

Communicate YOUR needs

Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to express your feelings and opinions without blaming or accusing your partner. I think, I feel, I need, I want. Instead of you don’t, you never, you wont. They way we say things means more than what we say and stating things in “I” terms, it frames it in a way that our partner can’t take as accusatory or blaming.

Ask about their feelings

Ask open-ended questions that invite your partner to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings. These are things that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no and let your partner really get into whatever they are going through. It also lets them elaborate so you get a better understanding of the situation and how you can best help.

Share your dreams and fears

Share your hopes, dreams, fears, and fantasies with your partner and encourage them to do the same. Your partner wants to know about the things you want to do, and are afraid of. They will fantasize with you about your fantasies and they want to help build them with you.

Habit 3: Spend Quality Time Together 

Spending quality time together is another essential habit for building intimacy in your marriage.

Quality time means giving your undivided attention and focus to your partner and engaging in meaningful or enjoyable activities together.

And it’s one of the best ways we can help find that work/life balance within our marriage.

Quality time can strengthen your bond, create shared memories, and increase your happiness. 

To practice this habit, you can: 

Keep dating

Did you know studies have shown that couples who go one just a single date a week are 3.5 times happier than those who don’t? You can’t stop dating your spouse. Once you get married it’s easy to get into a routine and that’s how the romance slowly dies. Schedule regular date nights or weekends away with your partner and plan something fun or romantic to do together. It will keep your attraction and desire burning.

Find a shared interest

Find a hobby or interest that you both enjoy and pursue it together and then do it. Experiences together are what build up that deep connection that lead to intimacy. It doesn’t have to be something big or even romantic, all that matters is that you are enjoying each other and doing something together.

Learn something new

Join a class or a group that allows you to learn something new or improve a skill together. New experiences or first firsts, build connection, attraction and intimacy between people. That’s part of why when you first fall for someone it hits so hard, because every experience together is a new one in some way. Keep that going throughout your marriage.

Try an adventure

Forget spending another weekend on the couch. Do something spontaneous or adventurous with your partner that breaks the routine and adds some excitement to your relationship. Again you don’t have to go crazy or spend a lot, just get out of the house. Hiking, camping and other outdoors activities are an easy way to do this so just look up a local state park and hit a trail.

Turn off the distractions

Turn off your phones and other distractions and just cuddle on the couch or in bed. Quality time together, not just time together, but real quality time grows intimacy because it grows our emotional bonds. Spending time doing something is different than spending time being present with each other. So take just a few minutes to be with each other without any other distractions and be present.

Habit 4: Show Physical Affection 

Physical affection is another crucial habit for enhancing intimacy in your marriage.

Physical affection refers to any form of touch that conveys love, warmth, comfort, or desire.

Physical affection has been shown to boost your mood, reduce stress, release oxytocin (the “love hormone”), and improve sexual satisfaction. 

Showing physical affection also boost the sexual compatibility in our marriages by keeping the romance burning bright and keeping our partner attraction and turned on.

To practice this habit, you can: 

Stay affectionate

Hug and kiss your partner every day before leaving or returning home and before bed. Simple things like this keep us from falling away from each other. And by making affection a habit in your marriage you keep the intimacy alive throughout the day.

Public affection is good

Public affection is one of those little secrets of a happy marriage nobody talks about. It shows 1 part ownership in our relationship and 1 part pride and showing our partner off. Hold hands or link arms when walking or sitting together. Men, don’t be afraid to put your arm around your wife and claim her. It feels good to be wanted and shown off a bit and when we show our partner affection in public it does just that.

Remember the power of touch

Your touch has more power to build intimacy, romance and attraction than anything else. Make a habit of touching your spouse throughout the day not just when you actually want to be intimate in bed. The little caress in the small of her back as you walk by or the hug from behind you give him make your spouse feel truly loved.

Snuggling bonds

When we snuggle and cuddle our bodies release oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and other feel good chemicals like dopamine. It’s a natural thing that helps bond us together in a deeper way.

Keep your sex life alive

A healthy and lively sex life is a symptom of a happy and healthy marriage. So initiate sex or respond positively to your partner’s sexual advances. If your partner wants to be with you that’s because they want you, they have lusted after you, and they love you and want to share that intimate moment with you. It’s important to keep your sex life alive and to listen to each other’s fantasies.

Habit 5: Support Each Other’s Growth 

The last habit that highly intimate couples practice is supporting each other’s growth.

We can’t stop growing as a person or we will stop our marriage from growing into something greater as well.

Personal growth in marriage refers to the personal development of each partner in terms of their goals, values, interests, or passions.

Supporting each other’s growth means encouraging, motivating, inspiring, and celebrating each other’s achievements and aspirations. 

To practice this habit, you can: 

Ask about their goals

Ask your partner about their goals and dreams and how you can help them achieve them. Asking about their goals shows your genuine interest and care for them and opens them to communicating with you on a deeper level. And sharing your dreams and hopes for the future gives them valuable insight into your heart and the kind of life you want to build.

Support your partner’s growth

Just like how you can’t stop looking to grow as a person, you have to support your partner’s efforts to learn new things, acquire new skills, or pursue new opportunities. Your support can be what gives them the emotional fuel to achieve their goals which will raise your entire relationship. Supporting our partner has been listed in studies as one of the key aspects of a happy marriage.

Respect their opinions

Respect your partner’s opinions and choices even if they differ from yours. We are going to have disagreements and points where our opinions just don’t line up. That’s just a part of nature with any 2 people who are together. But those things don’t have to be obstacles in the way of your marriage. If you respect their opinions even if you disagree, it opens that communication and grows the intimacy between you.

Challenge them to try new things

Challenge your partner to step out of their comfort zone and try new things. Novel experiences bring us together in ways going on the same old date just can’t. When we are challenged by something we haven’t done before, like a new game, sport, exercise it injects a little competition into our marriage in a healthy way where we can lift each other up.

Applaud their efforts

Applaud your partner’s accomplishments and express pride in their progress or they may stop trying to make any. Think of when your partner told you how amazing you did at something or how much they appreciated something you did. It made you feel good didn’t it? Our partners praise drives us and lifts us up emotionally to be able to take on new challenges and make the hard changes we need to in life. 

Related: How you can stop infidelity before it happens in your marriage.

Embrace the habits of intimacy and grow closer

Intimacy is not a fixed or static state in a marriage.

It’s a dynamic thing, like a bonfire that requires constant nurturing, attention and fuel.

But by adopting these five habits of highly intimate couples, you can create a more intimate marriage that is fulfilling, rewarding, and lasting.