Nice guys may finish last, but here’s how you can change that.

Are you tired of being the nice guy who always finishes last?  

Do you feel like you have to please everyone else but yourself?  

Do you hide your true self and your needs behind a mask of niceness?  

The problem with being the nice guy is that it doesn’t work.  

It doesn’t make you happy, it doesn’t make you attractive, and it doesn’t make you successful. 

Instead, being the nice guy usually leads to feelings of insecurity and no confidence.  

And both of those are extremely unattractive to women. 

So how can you stop being the nice guy and start being the authentic man who gets what he wants in life?  

Here are 13 ways to break free from the nice guy syndrome and unleash your true potential. 

1. Recognize your covert contracts 

According to Dr. Robert Glover, the author of the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, the nice guy syndrome is based on three “covert contracts” that guide a man subconsciously: 

• Be a good guy and everyone will love you (and the people you desire will desire you back) 
• Meet other people’s needs without them having to ask and they’ll meet your needs without you having to ask 
• Do everything right and you’ll have a smooth life  

Covert contracts never work and setup the nice guy for failure and resentment.  

The first step to stop being the nice guy is to recognize your covert contracts and realize that they are unrealistic, unfair, and unhealthy.  

You can’t control other people’s feelings or actions by being nice.  

And you can’t expect others to read your mind or fulfill your needs without communicating with them.  

Instead of relying on covert contracts, start creating overt contracts with yourself and others. 

Be clear about what you want, what you need, what you offer, and what you expect.  

Especially with women, be honest, direct, and respectful.  

This cuts through the nice guy façade and shows true confidence which women are attracted to. 

2. The nice guy needs approval from others, you don’t 

One of the main characteristics of the nice guy syndrome is seeking approval from others.  

Nice guys try to hide their flaws, avoid conflict, and conform to social expectations in order to be liked and accepted by everyone.  

And with that they base their self-worth on external validation rather than their own internal values. 

The problem with seeking approval from others is that it makes you dependent on their opinions and reactions.  

It also makes you lose sight of who you are and what you stand for.  

You end up living a life that is not authentic or fulfilling. 

To stop seeking approval from others, start seeking approval from yourself.  

Men have to develop a strong sense of self-esteem and self-respect that comes from within.  

Men have to understand that in order to drop the nice guy routine, he has to look out for his own interests and values. 

And when a man is chasing his own pursuits, passions and wants, he is seen as more confident, ambitious, and masculine by women. 

Related: These 15 qualities separate average from high-value men

3. Express your emotions in healthy ways 

Part of the nice guy syndrome is repressing or denying your emotions.  

Nice guys tend to bottle up their feelings. 

This holds especially true for their feelings towards women and especially negative ones like anger, sadness, fear, or frustration.  

The basic root of most of this when it comes to women is a fear of rejection. 

So instead, the nice guy plays the friend game, and often friend zones himself because of it. 

It comes across as a basic lack of confidence which is extremely unattractive to women. 

To express your emotions in healthy ways, start acknowledging and accepting them as they arise.  

Don’t judge yourself or others for having emotions; they are natural and normal human responses.  

And finally, when dealing with a woman you are interested in, let her know.  

4. Set boundaries and say no 

Nice guys have trouble setting boundaries or saying no. 

Especially to a woman they are interested in. 

They think that setting boundaries or saying no will make them look selfish or rude or lose people’s respect, interest, or love. 

The problem with having poor boundaries and saying yes to everything is that it can lead to resentment, burnout, or loss of identity.  

It can also make you feel taken advantage of, exploited, or manipulated by others. 

With women it also kills attraction by emasculating yourself. 

To set boundaries and say no, start respecting your own needs, preferences, and limits.  

Communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively to others.  

And don’t be afraid to say no to requests from a woman.  

It helps to set her and you solidly in your frame and helps to masculinize you in her eyes. 

Related: These 15 reasons are why women love confident men

5. Take responsibility for your life 

Nice guys tend to blame others, circumstances, or fate for their problems or failures. 

They often think that they have no control over their life or that they are powerless to change it. 

The problem with playing the role of a victim is that it makes you passive, pessimistic, and helpless. 

And women are not attracted to a helpless or pessimistic man. 

To take responsibility for your life, start owning your choices, actions, and outcomes.  

Recognize that you are the creator of your own reality and that you have the power to change it.  

Learn from your experiences, both positive and negative.  

And take proactive steps to improve your situation or pursue your goals. 

6. Challenge yourself and grow out of being a nice guy

Nice guys tend to avoid risks, challenges, or changes that might disrupt their status quo.  

They think that staying in their comfort zone will keep them safe, comfortable, or happy. 

The problem with staying in your comfort zone is that it makes you stagnant, bored, boring, and dissatisfied.  

It also keeps you as a low-quality man and prevents you from discovering new opportunities, developing new skills, or experiencing new joys. 

To challenge yourself and grow, start stepping out of your comfort zone regularly.  

Try new things, learn new things, meet new people, or visit new places.  

Part of new experiences is breaking through those mental barriers we put up to avoid anxiety and stress. 

I used to have horrible social anxiety. 

The idea of public speaking or even meeting a group of new people was a huge negative ordeal in my mind. 

But by forcing myself to engage groups, I began to change how that energy flowed through me.  

And instead of anxiety, I began to feed off the energy of others I was engaging with. 

Related: Here’s how you can appear more confident to women today

7. Develop your masculine energy 

Nice guys tend to suppress or ignore their masculine traits such as strength, courage, confidence, leadership, or ambition.  

Except these are some of the traits that are continuously listed by women as most attractive. 

They think that being masculine will make them look arrogant, aggressive, or threatening to others. 

The problem with disconnecting from your masculine energy is that it makes you weak, timid, or insecure. 

And that prevents you from attracting feminine energy. 

To develop your masculine energy, start reconnecting with your core essence and values as a man.  

Cultivate stoic and masculine qualities such as integrity, honesty, responsibility, respect, or compassion.  

Pursue your passions, goals, or missions with determination and enthusiasm.  

And express your sexuality in healthy and respectful ways. 

8. Connect with other men 

A man stuck in the nice guy syndrome will often isolate from other men.  

Nice guys tend to avoid male friendships or interactions because they feel intimidated, inferior, or unworthy.  

They think that other men will judge them harshly or compete with them unfairly. 

This kind of belief system prevents you from benefiting from the support, guidance, or inspiration of other men who can help you grow. 

To connect with other men, start seeking out male communities or groups that share your interests, values, or goals.  

Think about your interests and find a club, team, class, or a workshop in that and join it. 

Related: Here’s how you can become more stoic and attractive

9. Respect and appreciate women 

Another manifestation of the nice guy syndrome is having a distorted view of women.  

Nice guys tend to idealize, objectify, or pedestalize women, especially those they are attracted to.  

They think that the women they are interested in are perfect, fragile, or superior beings who need to be pleased. 

Having a distorted view of women like this makes you unrealistic, needy, or desperate.  

It also prevents you from seeing women as human beings who have their own flaws, needs, and desires. 

And that kills attraction and weakens your masculine frame. 

Show them genuine interest, admiration, and affection. 

Let her know you are interested from the get-go and let the pieces fall where they may. 

She’ll either feel the same or not but you can’t control the outcome and she’ll never become attracted by you being weak and desperate. 

10. Be yourself and have fun 

Nice guys can appear like they pretend to be someone else or act differently around different people.  

It stems again from social anxiety of not wanting to be judged, or having to be liked by everyone. 

What it is, is hiding your true self and your fun side and makes you seem dishonest, dull, or unhappy. 

It’ll also keep you from being able to express your true personality, creativity, or humor. 

Forget what anyone else thinks and just have fun. 

Start embracing your uniqueness and your quirks.  

Don’t be afraid to show your passions, opinions, or talents.  

Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself, make jokes, or even disagree with people.  

And don’t be afraid to enjoy life and have fun. 

Related: Here’s why women stay away from the nice guys

11. Be confident and assertive 

If there is one nice guy trait women know to look for, it’s a man who’s lacking confidence and assertiveness.  

Just like much of the rest of these points, lacking confidence and assertiveness makes you appear insecure, passive or submissive. 

It leads to men being walked over and taken advantage of or thinking that being that guy who’s there no matter what will somehow build her desire. 

To be confident and assertive, you need to start believing in yourself and your own values.  

This can come from your career achievements, skills, or qualities, or from your relationship qualities as a man.  

12. Be flexible and adaptable 

When it comes to his interactions with women, a nice guy will tend to suffer from being rigid and inflexible.  

Nice guys tend to stick to their plans, routines, or rules without considering other options or possibilities, like maybe she isn’t interested.  

Sticking with the same routine with attracting women when it clearly hasn’t worked yet is not a great way to go at the dating and relationship game. 

A man needs to get to the root of this and it usually stems from a problem being able to cope with uncertainty or rejection. 

Start being open to new ideas, perspectives, or experiences.  

Learn to embrace change and failure as an opportunity for growth. 

Related: Here’s how and why a man should cultivate a provider mindset

13. Seek professional help if needed 

The last way to stop being the nice guy is to seek professional help if needed.  

Sometimes the nice guy syndrome can be a result of deeper psychological issues such as childhood trauma, low self-esteem, codependency, or attachment disorders.  

I personally dealt with a lot of bullying during my middle school years that had effects ripple out for years with the way I interacted with others. 

These issues can be difficult to overcome on your own and may require the assistance of a qualified therapist, counselor, or coach. 

And having someone who is able to stay objective and honest can reveal ways you can grow in huge ways as a man. 

Related: Here’s the truth why women love masculinity in a man

Don’t be a nice guy, be a man 

Being the nice guy can make you unhappy, unattractive, and unsuccessful. 

To stop being the nice guy and start being the authentic man who gets what he wants in life, you need to break free from the nice guy syndrome. 

You need to recognize your covert contracts, stop seeking approval from others, and learn to put yourself first in life. 

And when you do, it ripples out into the other aspects of your life. 

You become stronger mentally, you become more attractive and more respectable.