Men, embrace your confidence so she’ll want to embrace you.

Confidence in a man is a positive state of mind towards himself which determines how he views himself and his abilities. 

A man with a high level of confidence can use that to help achieve his personal and professional goals, as well as improve his overall happiness and wellbeing. 

But today many guys struggle with low confidence.  

In fact, low confidence and self-esteem is a primary driver in mental health disorders and depression.

This can come from a variety of things like their own temperament, family and childhood trauma, bullying and even genetics. 

The good news is that confidence isn’t some kind of fixed trait.  

You’re not born either with it or not. 

There are things you can do starting today to boost your confidence to new heights.  

With a change in the way you look at yourself, the entire world changes how they look at you.  

From fellow employees giving you more respect, to attention from the ladies, everybody notices a man’s confidence, and it’s a good thing. 

1. Learn where your lack of confidence comes from 

The first step for a man to start growing his confidence is to learn what are the root causes of his low self-esteem in the first place. 

You can’t get over an issue if you’re not willing to get to the root of it. 

When I was a young man I had terrible confidence, and that stemmed mostly from some serious bullying I went through in middle school.  

But as I really dug into why that junk was still affecting me, I was able to get over it and use those experiences to build myself up more. 

There could be a variety of different factors that all help contribute to you overall lack of confidence such as: 

• Negative experiences in your childhood like bullying, abuse, trauma, or failure. 
• Unrealistic expectations that you or others have set for yourself. 
• Irrational beliefs that you have, such as “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t do anything right”, or “I don’t deserve happiness”. 
• Genetic predisposition can even make you more prone to anxiety, depression, or insecurity. 

By understanding where your low confidence started and comes from, you can start to push back against those belief systems. 

You can challenge those issues and overcome them. 

And of course, for some, you may need to seek some professional help. 

Related: 15 reasons why women love stoic men

2. Confident men must learn not to judge others 

Judging others usually stems from something a man is lacking in himself or some kind of insecurity he has. 

Rather than judge someone, try to find some way to encourage them.  

If you have a friend or coworker that’s lacking in some way, instead of judging or having a laugh, find a way to encourage them.  

That not only helps them build their own self-worth. 

It also adds a giant boost to your own confidence by lifting them up or better yet teaching them how to do something. 

It also shows everyone else who the real leader of the group is which is huge in building the level of confidence others perceive you to have. 

But the key is to consider the fact that each person you might judge is likely lacking confidence about themselves with regards to that and an easy compliment could bring the both of you up. 

Related: 15 traits of stoic men that women love

3. Confident men must learn to say no 

Part of being a confident man is knowing your own personal boundaries and being able to say no when something goes against your values or priorities. 

A confident man doesn’t let others take advantage of them, or pressure them into doing something they don’t want to. 

It’s hard to say know at times, especially if you want to please someone or avoid a conflict.  

But doing so sets clear limits for yourself and lets them know that your limits must be respected. 

Learning to say no can also free up valuable time and energy to focus on your real priorities and goals. 

Related: 15 most attractive hobbies a man can have

4. Confident men have to speak up 

A man who’s trying to build up his confidence has to express his opinions and ideas with conviction.  

They have to speak clearly and let other know exactly what their thinking. 

Hesitating is a kind of cycle where you can start to miss an opportunity and that can turn into a hit to your confidence which causes you to miss the next one. 

But one thing to remember is that a confident man doesn’t exert himself over others, instead he listens and respects their perspectives. 

Speaking up can help to build up your confidence as well 

When you speak up for something you are showing yourself and others that you have valuable insights to contribute. 

When a man speaks up often it also helps him to build and improve his overall communication skills. 

Related: 13 ways a man can appear more confident with women

5. Confident men take time to listen 

Listening is one of those skills that builds you up inside but also builds up how people view you. 

It also helps to build your confidence in a few different ways. 

First, by truly listening to someone you can gain insights into different situations or things going on in your own life. 

It can also help you to build rapport with people 

Everyone loves a good listener and by being that for others, it immediately boosts their opinion of you. 

But listening isn’t just about others. 

Listening can help you reflect on yourself and give valuable insights on your own thoughts and feelings. 

Related: 13 stoic questions that will change your life

6. To be confident a man must believe in his cause 

Confident men have a clear sense of purpose and direction in their lives.  

They know what their short and long-term goals are, and what they truly want to achieve in life. 

But they also have a passion for their personal causes and are willing to put in the hard work to help those causes grow. 

You have to find what your cause in life is. One easy way to start is to think of where your interests overlap with the idea of helping people. 

Believing in your own causes can help to build a foundation of confidence in yourself by giving you a purpose and motivation to see something through. 

Your causes can also help you get over obstacles in your life by showing you the bigger picture. 

I had gotten way into politics earlier in life and as I grew as a volunteer and in those causes, I eventually got to where I was having dinners with senators, CEO’s and leaders of amazing non-profit groups.  

People are searching for men with a sense of purpose. 

Related: 15 ways a man can become more stoic and more attractive

7. Accept that it’s OK to be wrong 

Confident men own their mistakes. They’re not afraid of being corrected or admitting they’re wrong. 

If you look at the corporate and political leaders in interviews, from CEOs like Elon Musk, or Warren Buffet, to politicians.  

They all say their failures are their greatest moments of growth. 

Part of gaining that kind of confidence is apologizing to those they have hurt instead of putting blame on something else. 

Taking ownership of being wrong builds your confidence by reducing your fears of other people’s judgement. 

It doesn’t just improve your personal confidence though.  

By owning our failures, other’s perception of us is that we have an even greater level of confidence. 

Their feedback can also help to give you a further boost to your confidence by ensuring you won’t be wrong about this issue again.

Related: 11 reasons why women stay away from nice guys

8. Confident men lift heavy things 

Men who are confident in themselves lift heavy things, it doesn’t matter if we are talking about weights at the gym or the weight of responsibility. 

Confident and ambitious men take on heavy tasks. 

And one of the easiest ways to start is to start exercising for real. 

I’m not talking about going for a jog or yoga class, I’m talking about lifting some heavy weights. 

Weightlifting works on the physical and mental sides of a man. 

It builds muscle and when you look in the mirror to see a little more definition somewhere, that’s a huge feel-good moment. 

But it does more than just that, it produces real changes in the body and brain as soon as you’re finished with a workout. 

Studies have shown weightlifting boosts testosterone and even brain function in men. 

But regardless of the science, lifting makes you feel better as a man.  

The endorphins kick in, you can see yourself adding weight and hitting goals. 

And that all builds up inside of you. 

Related: 15 reasons why women love confident men

9. A confident man dresses confidently 

The gamer shirt and sagging oversized jeans aren’t doing you any good in the confidence department my man. 

One of the easiest ways to feel like a successful and confident man is to look like it. 

You don’t have to hit the suit department but look at how you’re dressed and how you wear your clothes. 

If they aren’t fitted you should get a size smaller, if your pants are showing your crack, get a belt. 

Little things in the way you carry yourself add up to huge changes in how people perceive you and how you feel about yourself. 

Dressing better immediately boosts your self-image and self-esteem, because it’s something we can see. 

Related: 11 reasons why women love masculine men

10. Build your confidence by showing gratitude 

All too often we as men don’t show or give enough thanks for things in our lives that we have. 

Instead, we can have a tendency to either focus on what goals we still have, or on the failures in our lives. 

But gratitude can help us to begin changing our mindsets from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance. 

A man who is a scarcity mindset can’t have a high level of confidence. 

They exclude each other. 

Gratitude also helps grow our confidence by showing and appreciating our strengths and achievements. 

And most importantly, gratitude towards those that have supported us builds us up mentally as well as builds others’ want for us and to support us further. 

Related: 15 reasons why women love confident men

11. To be a confident man you must challenge yourself 

One of the key traits of a confident man is his ability to step out of his comfort zone and try something new. 

Confident men look at challenges and see opportunities to learn or grow in some way, while having a little fun, rather than seeing risks and threats. 

When a man challenges himself in this way, he builds his confidence by expanding his horizons. 

But what’s even more is that he develops new skills he can use in the future to overcome other challenges. 

Related: 15 traits of a confident man that women love

12. To be a confident man surround yourself with positive people 

There’s an old adage that a man will become the average of those five other men he is closest too. 

And we can see this play out every day.  

Guys who sit at home playing video games tend to befriend other gamers. 

Successful men tend to hang around with other success minded men. 

We have to pay serious attention to the other men we have in our lives and whether they help lift us up as a man or drag us down. 

When I first got out of the army I was in my hometown and went to see some old friends. 

They were still in one’s mother’s home, still in the same spots on the couch, and still playing the same game! 

There are men who will stagnate, and to become truly confident you must surround yourself with men who won’t. 

Related: Qualities of high-value men that women can’t resist

13. A man can smile more to boost his social confidence 

Smiling is a simple yet powerful way to give your confidence an instant boost. 

When we smile it reduces stress levels, improves our mood and helps to increase your attractiveness. 

A man who can genuinely smile also helps others feel more comfortable around him, and that boosts your social confidence. 

This can create a sort of positive feedback loop between your expressions and emotions. 

And it helps to make you more approachable which is huge when trying to talk with a woman. 

14. Meditation can help a man be more present 

There are tons of different meditation techniques, but they all seek to help focus your attention on the present, rather than the past or future. 

Meditation calms the mind and body.  

It reduces negative thoughts and helps to increase your own self-awareness.  

For men especially, meditation can help us develop a sense of mindfulness, or the ability to truly pay attention to what’s happening in the here and now. 

That is a very attractive trait in the eyes of others but especially women, who are constantly assessing a man’s emotional intelligence. 

Meditation can also help men wash away some of the daily stresses and issues so that they can let go of those and move on to their next goal. 

15. Helping others is the best way a man can boost his confidence 

Helping people is one of the easiest and most rewarding ways for a man to boost their confidence. 

Helping others makes us feel good about ourselves and gives us a true sense of purpose. 

It also strengthens our social connections and social confidence by giving us a chance to work closely with other people towards a goal. 

For a man, volunteering can help him to realize just how much value he has to offer the world. 

Seeing that value in himself is a huge boost to our self-esteem because we can see how our strengths directly helped someone. 

Overall, helping and volunteering helps a man become more confident by creating a positive impact on himself and those around him, through his own actions. 

Related: 11 traits of masculine men that women love

Build yourself into a confident man 

Remember, building up your confidence isn’t something that happens overnight. 

It takes real dedication to pushing against your own weaknesses and shortcomings. 

But even in failure a man can grow himself and boost his confidence. 

It takes time, effort and practice, but with perseverance you can grow yourself into an ambitious and confident man.