How to Overcome the Barriers to Intimacy in Your Marriage: How to Deal with Stress, Fatigue, Kids, and Other Common Challenges 

Intimacy is an essential aspect of a healthy and satisfying marriage.

It refers to the closeness, connection, and affection that couples share with each other, both emotionally and physically and delves into the sexual compatibility of a married couple.

Intimacy can enhance the quality of the relationship, increase happiness and well-being, and reduce stress and conflict.

But keeping the intimacy burning bright isn’t always easy to especially when couples face various challenges and obstacles in their daily lives.

And research has found that how couples deal with daily stresses in their lives severely impacts their intimacy and levels of sexual desire.

So, in this article we take these barriers head on and teach you how to overcome them and build your marriage up even stronger.

Life will put up barriers to intimacy in your marriage, it’s up to you to take them down.

Life can be stressful and challenging, it’s that simple.

There are going to come issues that act as barriers to your intimacy in your marriage and that’s natural.

The key is to recognize those challenges for what they are, and then to start the process of working through them and to realize that the things that stress our partner do also affect us.

So where do you start when your life is already full of stress and anxiety and challenges and how do you resolve these little issues before they become marriage conflicts?

Well, you just have to step back and look for a moment at the source of each challenge because often times whatever issue we are feeling is just a symptom of a larger problem.

And by addressing that problem you dismantle the foundation of that barrier to your intimacy.

Some of the common barriers to intimacy in marriage are: 

• Stress: Stress can affect your mood, energy, health, and libido. It can also make you more irritable, anxious, or depressed, which can interfere with your ability to communicate and empathize with your partner. Stress can come from various sources, such as work, finances, family, health issues, or personal problems. 
• Fatigue: Fatigue can make you feel tired, sluggish, and unmotivated. It can also impair your cognitive and physical performance, as well as your sexual desire and function. A study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior found that finding balance in our life between work, kids, our marriage and everything else is key to maintaining our intimacy. 
• Kids: Kids can bring joy and meaning to your life. I love my 4 kids, but they can also demand a lot of your time, energy, attention, resources and did I mention time? Studies have also found they can become a stress that affects your intimacy in significant ways. Kids can create stress and conflict in your relationship if you have different parenting styles or expectations. 
• Other common challenges: There are many other factors that can affect your intimacy in marriage, such as aging, health problems, hormonal changes, infidelity, trauma, unresolved issues, boredom, or lack of trust. 

How can you break through the barriers to intimacy?

These barriers can create a vicious cycle in which you feel less intimate with your partner, which in turn makes you feel less satisfied with your relationship, which then makes you feel less intimate with your partner.

This cycle can damage your bond with your partner, decrease your sexual compatibility and increase the risk of divorce.

It’s important to overcome these barriers and restore intimacy in your marriage.

Researchers have found that emotional intimacy is very strongly associated with healthy sex lives for couples.

Related: Learn the 5 Habits of highly intimate married couples

It’s all about communication.

Communication is the single greatest key to intimacy.

It allows you to express your feelings, needs, desires, and concerns to your partner.

It also allows you to listen to your partner’s perspective and understand their emotions.

Communication can help you resolve conflicts, avoid misunderstandings, find balance and build trust.

To communicate effectively with your partner: 

Choose a good time and place to talk. You have to avoid distractions or interruptions. 

Be honest and respectful. Don’t lie or hide anything from your partner. Don’t criticize or blame them for everything. 

Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, say “I feel hurt when you ignore me” instead of “You always ignore me”. 

Be specific and clear. Don’t assume that your partner knows what you mean or what you want. Give examples or suggestions. 

Listen actively and empathically. Don’t interrupt or judge your partner. Show interest and curiosity. Ask questions or paraphrase what they said. 

Give feedback and appreciation. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and efforts. Express gratitude and praise. 

When we can communicate respectfully and affectively in our marriage, half the battle of solving whatever issues we are trying to fix, is already done.

Spend quality time together.

Quality time is the time that you spend with your partner doing something that you both enjoy and value. And the intimacy that spending time together brings, benefits a marriage in numerous ways.

It can help you reconnect with each other, have fun, and create memories. Quality time can also increase your emotional and physical intimacy.

To spend quality time with your partner: 

    – Schedule it regularly. Make it a priority and a habit. Don’t let other things get in the way. 

    – Be flexible and creative. Try new things or revisit old ones. Don’t be afraid to experiment or surprise each other. 

    – Be present and attentive. Focus on your partner and the moment. Don’t let your mind wander or check your phone. 

    – Be affectionate and romantic. Hold hands, hug, kiss, cuddle, or compliment each other. Don’t take each other for granted. 

Seek help if you can’t get past something.

Sometimes you may need professional help to overcome the barriers to intimacy in your marriage.

This can be especially true if you have serious or chronic issues or challenges that affect your relationship quality or your personal and marriage growth.

It doesn’t matter whether these issues are from some problem your marriage is facing, a medical issue that needs to be addressed or some outside stressor like finances, there are professionals that can help you get through them.

Examples of issues that need professional assistance can be:

• If you have high levels of stress that affect your mental or physical health or performance. 
• If you have fatigue that persists despite adequate rest or lifestyle changes. 
• If you have kids that cause significant stress or conflict in your relationship. 
• If you have other challenges that are beyond your control or coping skills. 

In these cases, you may benefit from seeking help from a therapist (individual or couples), a doctor (for medical issues), a coach (for personal or professional development), a mediator (for conflict resolution), or a support group (for emotional support).

And some of these issues we attribute to things like just our body aging, can be addressed.

Researchers found that of menopausal and pot-menopausal women intimacy with their partner was the contributing factor in their sexual desire.

Seeking help is not a sign of weakness or failure, it is a sign of strength.

And let’s just be honest, what’s worse? Seeking help for something or still having that issue a year from now? 

Don’t let life build up between you and your spouse.

Intimacy in marriage is not something that happens automatically or effortlessly.

It requires constant work and commitment from both partners.

But it’s worth the effort, as it can bring you happiness, fulfillment, and satisfaction in your relationship.

By following these tips, you can overcome the barriers to intimacy in your marriage and enjoy a deeper and stronger bond with your partner.