Find your love languages and find the keys to each other’s hearts.

Do you ever feel like you and your partner are speaking different love languages?  

Like they don’t seem to appreciate your efforts to show them love?  

Do you wish they would express their feelings more often or in a different way?  

The truth is that we all go through times where communication breaks down, we get hurt or feel like our love isn’t being received. 

And it sometimes comes down to the fact that you 2 may be talking different love languages. 

The five love languages are a concept developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor and the author of the bestselling book The 5 Love Languages.   

The 5 love languages he talks about describe five different ways that people give and receive love in a relationship.  

The book is an incredible and deep look into relationship communication and if you would like to read it and show me a little love as well, you can get a copy here on Amazon.  

But in this article, I am going to focus on giving you the key info you need to help bring your relationship to the next level. 

These aren’t just for those starting a new relationship.

They will give you valuable insight into how you can help your relationship make it through the rough patches that life can cause.

5 love languages, 5 different ways of showing and receiving love

The 5 love languages are really just 5 different communication modes we tend to easily fall into. 

And don’t worry, because we’re not talking about some ethereal psychological concepts.  

They are really just 5 easy to remember ways we do things to show our love. 

• Words of affirmation:  

Words of affirmation are when you use words to express your appreciation, admiration, or affection for your partner.  

Anytime you say “I love you”, “You look beautiful today”, or “You are amazing at your job” you’re using words of affirmation. 

And the key thing about them is that they help to build up the foundation of how our partner thinks we feel about them. 

Think about it for a moment, when you really feel like your partner loves you, how’s that make you feel? 

It feels amazing, it feels like something tangible in our hearts that fills us up. 

• Quality time:  

Quality time is when you spend time with your partner without distractions or interruptions.  

You give them your full attention and focus on what they are saying or what you are doing together.  

Now as a man, this is something that gets easy for us to ignore.  

We fall into our hobbies, games, entertainment or work and time slips by. 

But remember, you don’t have to be going on crazy adventures every day. 

You might just go for a walk, watch a movie, or just have a deep conversation. 

But the point is to engage each other and build up that base intimacy. 

• Physical touch:  

This is when you use touch to convey your love and closeness to your partner, and I’m not just talking about in the bedroom. 

No, this physical affection is the kind of love shown just as a part of being with your partner. 

You hug, kiss, cuddle, hold hands, or touch their back as you walk by.  

You might greet them with a hug and a kiss when they come home, snuggle with them on the couch, or surprise them with a massage. 

For those of us who use touch as a way of communicating love, it’s important to reciprocate by receiving that touch. 

If your man runs his hand across your back every time you walk by, it might not be an overt sexual thing to him. 

It might be his way of showing you that he is thinking about you and having those feelings of love and affection toward you. 

• Acts of service:  

This is when you do something for your partner that makes their life easier or more enjoyable.  

You help them with a task, take care of a chore, or solve a problem for them.  

For example, you might cook them a meal, wash their car, or fix their computer. 

• Receiving gifts:  

This is when you give your partner something that shows them that you thought of them and care about them.  

You surprise them with a present, a card, or a flower.  

If your partner’s love language is gifts you might buy them their favorite chocolate, make them a playlist, or send them a delivery. 

You can download a free HD pdf copy of the infographic here.

We all have a love language that we rely on most

Dr. Chapman writes that each person has 1 primary love language and 1 secondary love language that they prefer over the others. 

They tend to express their love in the same way that they want to receive it.  

However, not everyone has the same love language as their partner.  

This can lead to misunderstandings and frustrations in the relationship. 

If you want to rediscover your partner’s love language and speak their heart, here are four ways to do that: 

1. Take the quiz.  

The easiest way to find your partner’s love language is to ask them to take the online quiz that Chapman created.  

I would really suggest you both take it and compare your results. 

It may give you some valuable insight into why different things in your relationship has been easy or difficult. 

The quiz will ask you several questions about how you prefer to show and receive love and give you a score for each love language. 

2. Observe their behavior. 

Another way to discover your partner’s love language is to pay attention to how they act around you and others.  

Notice what they do or say that makes them happy or unhappy.  

For example, if they always compliment you or thank you for your kind words, they might have words of affirmation as their love language.  

If they always initiate physical contact or respond positively to your touch, they might have physical touch as their love language. 

3. Listen to their complaints.  

A third way to figure out your partner’s love language is to listen to what they complain about or request from you.  

Often, their complaints or requests are clues to what they are missing or craving in the relationship.  

For example, if they say “You never spend time with me” or “Can we please have a date night?”, they might have quality time as their love language.  

If they say “You never help me around the house” or “Can you please do this for me?” they might have acts of service as their love language. 

4. Experiment with different expressions.  

A fourth way to learn your partner’s love language is to try different ways of showing them love and see how they react.  

You can use the examples above or come up with your own ideas. Be creative and spontaneous.  

For example, if you think they might have receiving gifts as their love language, you can surprise them with something small but meaningful.  

If you think they might have quality time as their love language, you can plan a special activity that you can do together. 

Related: Here’s 15 reasons why a woman’s beauty isn’t what gets her a good husband

Rediscover your partner’s love language and build a stronger relationship

By rediscovering your partner’s love language and speaking their heart, you can improve your communication and connection with them.  

And when you improve your communication with them, you make them feel more loved and appreciated. 

And the opposite is true as well, both of you growing together builds the foundations of a stable and healthy relationship.  

You can also avoid unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings that stem from different expectations and preferences. 

Remember that learning your partner’s love language is not a one-time thing.  

It is an ongoing process that requires effort and attention.  

Your partner’s love language may change over time depending on their circumstances and needs.  

You should also be open and honest with your partner about your own love language and what makes you feel loved.  

By doing so, you can build a stronger and happier relationship with your partner.