This is a series of 4 articles where I am going to address relationship gaslighting from a general perspective and then go deeper into how men and women each gaslight in a relationship.
Gaslighting is a term you might have heard, but what does it really mean?
In simple terms, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one person manipulates another, making them doubt their own reality. This can happen in any relationship, but it’s especially harmful in romantic ones. Let’s dive into what gaslighting is, how to recognize it, and its effects.
Understanding Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a tactic used to gain power and control over someone. The term comes from a 1944 movie called “Gaslight,” where a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she’s losing her mind. In relationships, gaslighting involves making the other person question their memories, perceptions, and even their sanity.
Signs of Gaslighting
Recognizing gaslighting can be tricky because it often starts subtly but there are common patterns and signs:
1. Lying: The gaslighter tells blatant lies, even when you know the truth. This makes you start doubting your own memory and reality.
2. Denial: They deny things they said or did, even when you have proof. This constant denial can make you question your own sanity.
3. Blame Shifting: They blame you for things that aren’t your fault, making you feel guilty and responsible for their actions.
4. Isolation: They try to isolate you from friends and family, making you more dependent on them.
5. Undermining: They undermine your confidence by making negative comments about your abilities and worth.
The Effects of Gaslighting
Gaslighting can have serious effects on your mental health and well-being.
Here are some ways it can impact you:
1. Self-Doubt: Constantly questioning your reality can lead to severe self-doubt and low self-esteem.
2. Anxiety and Depression: The stress of being gaslit can cause anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.
3. Loss of Trust: It can make it hard to trust your own judgment and the people around you.
4. Emotional Dependence: You might become emotionally dependent on the gaslighter, feeling like you can’t make decisions without them.
Why Gaslighting Happens
Gaslighting often happens because the gaslighter wants to control and dominate the relationship. They might have insecurities or a need for power that drives them to manipulate others. Understanding this can help you recognize that the problem lies with them, not you.
How to Deal with Gaslighting
If you think you’re being gaslit, you have to deal with it before it gets out of hand and take over the relationship. Here are some steps you can take:
1. Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off, trust your gut. If your guy or gal makes you feel bad, it probably was something bad. Your feelings are valid.
2. Document Everything: Now granted this becomes more of a necessity when you are in a marriage and a genuine long-term relationship with shared assets of a home together. Keep a record of conversations and events. This can help you see patterns and have proof of what’s happening.
3. Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist. They can provide perspective and support. The people who love you most in life want to be there for you and likely don’t even realize what you are going through.
4. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the gaslighter. Let them know what behavior is unacceptable. In all honesty, when we gaslight people, and we all eventually will, we usually do it on a subconscious level. From my personal experience, they may not even realize that they are gaslighting you and simply bringing it to their attention can be enough to make them see it.
5. Consider Leaving: If the gaslighting continues, it might be best to leave the relationship for your own well-being.
Deal with gaslighting or it will deal with you
Gaslighting is a serious form of emotional abuse that can have lasting effects on your mental health. Recognizing the signs and understanding why it happens can help you take steps to protect yourself. Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued and respected.
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