How to Show Your Love Through the 5 Love Languages 

The love languages have almost become a relationship trope at this point but it’s because they easily show the differences in how we each want to be loved. And they work.

In fact, I can tell you that learning ab out how my wife and I each respond to them has had a huge role in bringing us even closer together.

Love is a universal emotion that we’re all going to hopefully get to experience, and it can be expressed in many different ways from giving gifts to simply saying I love you.

But we don’t all respond or appreciate signs of affections and displays of love in the same way, and that’s a good thing.

Some people like me, need to hear that partner loves and appreciates them while others like my wife Sara, need to be shown physically or through a gesture and finding out what love language your partner responds to best is step 1 in building an amazing relationship.

The concept of the five love languages was first introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman who has led a lifetime career as a counselor and author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.

Chapman identified five general ways that people receive and express love, which he called “love languages” and which have been largely accepted by the psychological community.

Discovering your partner’s love language can have a huge impact on how you interact with them and build up your relationship.

The 5 love languages are: 

Words of affirmation: This love language involves expressing your love through verbal compliments, praise, appreciation, or encouragement. The biggest thing my wife says that fills up my heart is how she appreciates what I do or how I work for the family to provide. And I promise this kind of thing will fill up your man’s heart too.

Quality time: This love language involves spending time together and giving your undivided attention to your loved one. The dates, hikes or vacations together or the quiet dinners all build up your partners quality time.

Physical touch: This love language involves showing your love through physical contact, such as hugging, kissing, holding hands, cuddling, or massaging. Be sure to remember that physical touch isn’t always sexual, it’s intimate. It’s the touching of the small of her back or holding his hand in the store.

Acts of service: This love language involves doing things for your loved one that make their life easier or happier. Think of running an errand or cooking a meal to show your partner just how much you care.

Receiving gifts: This love language involves giving or receiving tangible symbols of your love. It’s the gifts, the flowers, chocolates, jewelry, or cards. And it doesn’t have to be a huge display, but it’s the emotions and though behind the gift that count.

According to Chapman, everyone has a primary and a secondary love language, which are the ones that make them feel most loved and valued. However, not everyone knows their own or their partner’s love language, which can lead to misunderstandings, frustrations, or conflicts.

So long story short, it’s important to discover your own and your special guy or gal’s love language and use it to show your love in a way that they can appreciate and reciprocate. 

How to Discover Your Own and Your Partner’s Love Language 

There are several ways to find out your own and your partner’s love language. One of them is to take an online quiz.

Another way is to look at your own and your partner’s behaviors and preferences and try to ask yourself: 

• How do I usually express my love to my wife? 
• How does my boyfriend usually express his love to me? 
• What makes me feel most loved and appreciated by my girl? 
• What makes my wife feel most loved and appreciated by me? 
• What do I usually request or complain about from my husband? 
• What does my man usually request or complain about from me? 

By answering these questions, you can get a clue about your own and your partner’s love language. However, the best way to confirm your findings is to communicate with your partner and ask them directly. For example, you can say: 

• I want to show you how much I love you in a way that you can understand and feel. Can you tell me what your love language is and how I can speak it better? 
• I appreciate all the ways you show me your love, but I want to make sure you know how I receive love best. Can I tell you what my love language is and how you can speak it better? 

By having an open and honest conversation, you can learn more about each other’s love language and how to use it effectively. 

Truly understanding how your partner wants to be loved helps to keep the desire burning bright and helps to create a relationship where intimacy becomes a habit.

How to Use the 5 Love Languages to Show Your Love 

Once you know your own and your partner’s love language, you can use it to show your love in a way that they can appreciate and reciprocate. Here are some tips and examples for each love language: 

Words of affirmation:

If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, you can show your love by giving them sincere and specific compliments, praise, appreciation, or encouragement.  

• I love you for who you are, not for what you do. 
• You are so talented and creative. I admire your work and your passion. 
• You make me laugh so much. You have a great sense of humor and a positive outlook on life. 
• You are such a kind and generous person. You always think of others and help them in any way you can. 
• You are my best friend and my soulmate. I’m so lucky to have you in my life. 

Quality time:

If your partner’s love language is quality time, you can show your love by spending time together and giving them your undivided attention.  

When building your relationship, quality time and experiencing new things together builds the foundations for a deeper and more meaningful experience together. Psychologists refer to these experiences as first firsts or proximity attraction and attachment.

• Plan a date night and do something that you both enjoy, such as going to a restaurant, a theater, or a park. 
• Turn off your phone, TV, or computer and have a meaningful conversation, listening actively and empathetically to what they have to say. 
• Share a hobby, interest, or activity that you both like, such as reading, playing games, or gardening. 
• Go for a walk, a bike ride, or a drive and enjoy the scenery and each other’s company. 
• Cuddle on the couch and watch a movie or a show that you both like. 

Physical touch:

If your partner’s love language is physical touch, you can show your love by showing them physical affection, such as hugging, kissing, holding hands, cuddling, or massaging.  

Note for the gents, this isn’t about getting lucky or turning her on. It’s about showing her your feelings for her not what you want to feel from her.

• Give them a hug when you greet or say goodbye, or just randomly throughout the day. 
• Kiss them before you leave for work, when you come back, or before you go to sleep. 
• Hold their hand while walking, driving, or sitting next to them. 
• Cuddle with them on the couch, in bed, or anywhere else that is comfortable and cozy. 
• Massage their shoulders, back, feet, or any other part that is tense or sore. 

Acts of service:

If your partner’s love language is acts of service, you can show your love by doing things for them that make their life easier or happier. These don’t have to be some kind of huge display, they just have to be some action where your partner can see your thoughts and effort.

• Cook a meal, do the dishes, or order takeout for them. 
• Do the laundry, vacuum the floor, or tidy up the house for them. 
• Run an errand, pay a bill, or make an appointment for them. 
• Fix something that is broken, change a light bulb, or install a new device for them. 
• Surprise them with a small gesture, such as making the bed, filling up the gas tank, or buying their favorite snack. 

Receiving gifts:

If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, you can show your love by giving them tangible symbols of your love, such as flowers, chocolates, jewelry, or cards. Again, forget about the crazy expensive or huge gifts.

Just give them something that shows you were thinking about them and in reality, a small gift you made will always mean more than an expensive gift you bought.

• Surprise them with a gift on their birthday, anniversary, or just because. 
• Buy them something that they have been wanting or needing, such as a book, a gadget, or a clothing item. 
• Make them something that is personal and meaningful, such as a photo album, a painting, or a poem. 
• Give them something that represents your relationship, such as a souvenir, a memento, or a symbol. 
• Write them a note, a letter, or a card that expresses your feelings and appreciation. 

The love languages are about building a relationship 

The five love languages are a useful tool to help you communicate your love effectively to your partner. And really you can use them to grow your relationship with anyone from a friend to family member.

It comes down to understanding the preferred communication style of the person you’re dealing with and yourself.

Once you begin to understand your partner’s love language and how it relates to your own, you are on the path to a healthy relationship in which you both can express and receive love.

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David N. Brace

David N. Brace is a relationship expert that lives what he preaches having built a 20-year happy marriage. Relationships take work and effort but if we are willing to do so and to keep growing as individuals, we can build something amazing that lasts a lifetime.

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