The differences between what men and women want from our partners can be a challenge or be what builds up the love.

Relationships are not always easy, especially when you and your partner have different needs, preferences, and expectations.  

Sometimes, you may feel frustrated, confused, or hurt by the way your partner behaves or communicates.  

You may wonder why they don’t understand you or appreciate you the way you want them to. 

However, before you jump to conclusions or blame your partner for being insensitive or unreasonable, you may want to consider that they may have a different way of expressing and receiving love.  

According to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of the best-selling book Love & Respect, men and women have different primary needs in a relationship: men need respect, and women need love. 

Together, love, respect and trust build the foundation of a healthy relationship.

For a deeper dive into what each of these points means in a relationship check out my video below.

Bridging the communication gap is key to building a healthy relationship and it starts on the very first date.

What Does Respect Mean to Men? 

Respect is a feeling of admiration and appreciation for someone’s abilities, qualities, or achievements.  

It is also a way of treating someone with courtesy, consideration, and honor.  

For men, respect is essential for their self-esteem and identity.  

They want to feel valued and respected for who they are and what they do. 

Some of the ways that men feel respected are: 

• When their partner listens to them attentively and sincerely 
• When their partner trusts them and supports their decisions 
• When their partner praises them and acknowledges their efforts 
• When their partner admires their skills and talents 
• When their partner shows interest in their hobbies and passions 
• When their partner respects their opinions and preferences 
• When their partner respects their need for space and time alone 

What Does Love Mean to Women? 

Love is a feeling of deep affection and attachment for someone.  

It is also a way of showing care, concern, and compassion for someone.  

For women, love is vital for their emotional security and happiness.  

They want to feel loved and cherished for who they are and how they feel. 

Some of the ways that women feel loved are: 

• When their partner spends quality time with them and gives them attention 

• When their partner expresses their feelings and emotions verbally or non-verbally 
• When their partner compliments them and makes them feel beautiful 
• When their partner surprises them with thoughtful gestures and gifts 
• When their partner helps them with chores and tasks 
• When their partner hugs them and holds their hand 
• When their partner empathizes with them and comforts them 

Download a free HD pdf version of the infographic here.

How to Bridge the Gap Between Respect and Love 

While respect and love are both important for any relationship, men and women may prioritize them differently and we can use that understanding to better show our partners love.  

It’s can sometimes be like men and women are speaking different love languages in a relationship.

This can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts if one partner feels that their needs are not being met or respected by the other.  

Therefore, it is important to learn how to communicate your needs clearly and respectfully, as well as how to understand and appreciate your partner’s needs. 

Here are some tips on how to bridge the gap between respect and love in your relationship: 

• Recognize your partner is different than you. 

Try to recognize that your partner may have a different way of giving and receiving love than you do. Don’t assume that they know what you want or need, or that they don’t care about you if they don’t do what you expect them to do. Instead, try to see things from their perspective and appreciate their efforts. 

• Ask your partner. 

Ask what makes them feel respected or loved and share what makes you feel respected or loved. Be specific and concrete about what actions or words make you happy or unhappy. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings honestly and respectfully. This is especially important to smooth over a rough patch or reignite the intimacy.

• Show your partner respect or love in the way that they prefer. 

We each have our own way that we want to be loved. Make sure you show your partner in their way, not in the way that you prefer. For example, if your partner values quality time, try to spend more time with them without distractions. If your partner values words of affirmation, tell them how much you love them and appreciate them often. 

• Appreciate the differences. 

Differences between you and your partner are good, rather than trying to change them or criticize them. Remember that your partner is a unique individual with their own personality, strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, etc. Celebrate the diversity in your relationship and learn from each other. 

• Respect yourself and love yourself first.  

You cannot give what you don’t have. If you don’t respect yourself or love yourself, you will have a hard time respecting or loving your partner. Therefore, take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Be confident in who you are and what you have to offer. 

Bridge the gap between what you and your partner want 

Relationships are not always easy, but they can be rewarding if you learn how to understand and appreciate the differences between you and your partner.  

By respecting your partner’s need for respect, and loving your partner’s need for love, you can create a harmonious and fulfilling relationship that lasts.

David N. Brace

David N. Brace is a relationship expert that lives what he preaches having built a 20-year happy marriage. Relationships take work and effort but if we are willing to do so and to keep growing as individuals, we can build something amazing that lasts a lifetime.

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